Monthly Archives: May 2014

How to Live a Life of Celibacy While Missing the Point of Vocation

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Here at A Queer Calling, one of our main purposes is to help people establish a positive vision of celibacy as a vocation. However, our efforts do not organically change what is out there on the rest of the internet. A reader recently sent us a link to How to Live a Life of Celibacy, a wikiHow article with 38 contributors as of 20 May 2014. This link is the top hit if one googles “how to live a life of celibacy,” and it contains 20 tips/steps that are absolutely loaded with assumptions about what a celibate life entails. We earnestly wonder if any of the 38 authors have any lived experience with celibacy and are curious to know if they are trying to apply lessons they have learned while abstaining temporarily from sexual activity to living a life of committed celibacy. We’re going to quote each of these 20 steps and share our responses, snark and all, to this article’s assumptions.

1. Make sure this is something that you are very serious about. It can be a great thing if you are doing it for the right reasons.

So far, so good. We agree entirely. Celibacy is a life marked by a commitment. It’s helpful to know why you are committing to a celibate vocation, and to develop a positive sense of what celibacy can mean for your life. We’d even go so far to say that if you’re committing to living celibately because your spiritual director has told you that failing to live a celibate life will send you straight to hell, it’s best to challenge the celibacy mandate.

2. Find a friend or mentor that has gone through this period in life and ask questions about his or her reason for making their choice.

Again, this counsel is extremely helpful. Lindsey has highlighted the importance of finding people living a celibate vocation in a post, Actively Cultivating a Celibate Vocation.

3. Avoid listening to others’ feelings about your decision, if they do not agree with yours. It is your choice, and yours alone. Instead, talk to friends and people who will not judge you, or this choice you have made.

Generally, sound advice. When someone makes a committed decision on any matter that other people might not understand, he or she has to choose whose counsel to embrace. This counsel is not uniquely tied to cultivating a celibate vocation. Indeed, it is often helpful to hear out close friends when discerning any vocation because they can often see into one’s blind spots. Friends can be great barometers in helping a person discern a vibrant, life-giving, and connected celibate vocation.

The rest of this article offers what is arguably some of the worst counsel that we’ve heard when it comes to cultivating celibate vocations. So, for the rest of our post…snark alert!

4. Get involved involved in different hobbies; better not to be around many people you may be sexually attracted to for a while if this can be avoided. You could become involved with some more spiritual or personal activities instead.

If someone makes you dizzy with attractions, the obvious solution is just stay extra busy. Why not? Avoidance works for all of life’s challenges, right? According to this article, It’s possible to run, run, run, run, and still do more running, fear all kinds of relationships, and embrace a white-knuckled disconnection and aloofness that can suck the life force out of even the most introverted people, yet still discover a sustainable manner of living. Really, wikiHow?

5. Try to find people who you think will understand you and your choices. Doing this alone can be very challenging. Tell them you need some moral support.

A moment of seriousness: we agree that living a celibate vocation can be hard. (Living a marital vocation is hard as well.) We do our best to foster a community space where people interested in celibacy can find support because we have benefited significantly from the friend support we have received. It can be helpful to reach out to friends and mutually discuss the discernment process often. All Christians should be in the process of regularly seeking God to discern direction for their lives.

6. Avoid temptation, especially at the start of this lifestyle. Do not put yourself in situations that might lead to sexual activity, such as close quarters with someone to whom you are sexually attracted. Don’t spend time alone and secluded together unless you absolutely know that you can control yourself in that situation. You can still be intimate and close with them, as long as you are in control. (it also helps for them to know of your statutes with this lifestyle)

Surely, every celibate person is likely to crave sexual encounters and reach out for them whenever any opportunities arise. Uh huh. *Eyeroll.* We’ve seen the counsel contained in Tip #6 mirrored in spiritual direction when the spiritual director cautions an LGBT person about the slippery slope towards illicit activities. To be sure, if a person is committing to celibacy after extensive sexual involvement, it might do that individual well to consider what habits might need to change. However, that’s a different kind of message than simply, “Control thyself.”

7. It is a fact that after a certain amount of time, that if you do not remind yourself of what you are missing sexually, you will stop feeling strong urges. However, this can be hard if you are regularly engaging in watching social entertainment like movies, TV shows, and many advertisements and commercials that continually show hormonally and/or sexually led relationships. Learn to ignore these; they are society’s standards, not yours.

So, a celibate person should hide himself or herself in a hole because we live in a sex-saturated culture. Sexuality is merely an appetite that can be starved into submission…except, it’s not. In truth, human sexuality brings us into all sorts of different relationships with others and colors how we perceive the world around us. There is beauty and connection in so many places. It is right to say that world does not typically have a positive view of vocation, especially when vocation calls us towards sacrificial love. Both celibate and marital vocations call people towards this sacrificial love, even if this love manifests in slightly different ways.

8. For the most part, continue to keep anything about sexual romance or hormone induced relationships away from your vision. Make a list of all you have wanted to do. You do not have a mate holding you back, so take that trip or write that novel.

Let’s merge the “Hide in a hole” strategy from Tip #7 with the “Keep extra busy” strategy from Tip #4. Honestly, how does labeling the romantic attachments of others as “hormone induced relationships” do anything for cultivating deep and meaningful non-sexual relationships with people? Positioning yourself as Superman focused on building your resume will only bring you so far before you absolutely, positively, completely hit burnout. And when your human frailty catches up to you, you’re likely to find no one around you because they got tired of your always looking down on them and their ways of life. “Tip” #8 is, universally, a bad idea.

9. Doing things alone will help you to grow and challenge yourself on why you wanted to be celibate in the first place. Self empowerment is a powerful thing when used humbly.

Because celibacy necessarily means relegating oneself to the life of a hermit. Somehow, not having sex and discerning a way of life as an unmarried person means doing many things, or everything, alone. It seems the contributor of Tip #9 was thinking more along the lines of “how to accept the realities of being lonely” than “how to live a life of celibacy.” And, “Self-empowerment is a powerful thing when used humbly.” What’s that supposed to mean? Empower yourself, but only do it in a humble way?

10. If religion is part of your decision to be celibate, read the Bible or other religious book for guidance and strength. Turn to your Priest or religious community in times of weakness and need.

Uhm…if a person has decided to become celibate for religious reasons, it seems likely that he or she is already reading his or her holy text for guidance and strength in addition to receiving some sort of guidance (helpful or not) from a religious leader or member of a faith community. This isn’t bad advice, but it’s basically the same as telling a student, “If passing the course is part of your decision to take it, study the textbook and meet with the professor in times of confusion.” Is it really so difficult to figure this one out?

11. Celibacy can be practiced in a relationship, if both are in agreement.

We agree with this one. No sarcasm here. However, living celibacy within the context of a partnered relationship is not as simple as Tip #11 makes it sound. Trying to develop a sense of celibate vocation as a couple takes much more than “agreement.” Sometimes, both partners can be in agreement about celibacy and the relationship can still fail. Even if the relationship is working out well for both partners, certain aspects of a celibate vocation might not come naturally. Being committed to a celibate partnership takes dedication, tenacity, and willingness to work out the difficult parts as they arise.

12. You can then both be each other’s strength, and learn something together such as an instrument which will keep the mind busy.

Seems we cut the sarcasm a bit too soon. Of course, this is what our life together as a celibate couple looks like. We spend every day finding new, random hobbies to practice together and mutually increasing our strength to avoid letting our minds and hands wander in the direction of each other’s genitals. Piano and tambourine all the way! *Massive eye roll.* We have to ask, if a celibate partnership is supposed to be so focused on “keeping the mind busy” and presumably distracting each other from having sex with each other, what is the purpose of living in such an arrangement? If it’s all about avoiding temptation, wouldn’t it be easier not to have a partner? The suggestion that celibate partnership is valuable because it can keep both people’s minds out of the gutter is absolutely ludicrous.

13. The joy of learning and focusing more into engaging in other activities of life will help you to occupy your mind. It will also tire you out and make you sleep well.

Because a celibate vocation is all about distracting oneself from anything and everything that could possibly lead to sex. And by the way, sexually active people don’t experience the joy of learning and have the worst cases of insomnia. Had no idea. Next, please…

14. Celibacy is said to be a great way to improve mental powers and concentration.

Maybe if we commit to celibacy for the rest of our lives and do it the “right” way according to this article, one day we’ll wake up with telekinetic powers like Matilda.  Or better yet, we’ll discover our hidden abilities at levitating feathers, speaking parseltongue, and blowing up our annoying relatives. We’ve been celibate for a good while now…where are our Hogwarts letters?

15. Celibacy allows a romantic relationship to grow and develop tenderness, maturity, and self-giving. True love takes a long time, and staying away from sex makes a relationship more stable, not less. A man is impressed by a woman’s sweet and gentle “No,” if he has pushed her. It increases his respect and trust in her. It makes him want to be a better man, even if he’s been a player in the past. The delightful erotic tension is the beginning of legendary love stories that make for good marriages.

Wait a minute…is this article on the topic of “how to live a life of celibacy,” or is it more about, “why it’s better to be sexually abstinent until marriage”? Seems counterproductive to be talking about the value of erotic tension and preparing for an eventual marriage if the whole point of this piece is to advise folks on living lives of celibacy.

16. Understand why you want to take this vow before you do so. There are many reasons why people take this vow. The most common is to avoid sexually transmitted diseases, and to engage in intense studies as celibacy frees an enormous amount of time from your schedule. It will save you some money too, especially on a student budget.

Yep. Every day, we hear the stories of vowed celibates proclaiming, “Now I don’t have to get those embarrassing STD tests anymore, and I’m smarter and richer to boot. Celibacy is the best thing since sliced bread!” Not so much.

17. Meditate on this decision and do not be rash about it. This is a lifelong commitment you are about to make.

<Temporary snark break> Great advice, Tip #17. By the way, this applies to a marriage commitment as well.

18. Be sure to tell everyone around you that you are taking a vow of celibacy. It is very important to tell those who are closest to you about your decision and convince them to support you every step of the way.

And we’re back. This is exactly what we want to do. Shout it from the rooftops: “We aren’t having sex! If you don’t support us, you really should!” Such an approach is sure to go a long way with making us more welcome among people in our Christian tradition who remain skeptical of our partnership.

19. Avoid temptation and concentrate on other important things. To keep up the commitment, go back to school, get a new hobby, or buy a pet. Keep yourself as busy as possible.

In case the main message of this article isn’t clear enough already, we’ll spell it out for you once again: the only way to remain celibate is to busy yourself to the point of exhaustion so you’ll not be at risk for dropping your pants every five seconds. Groan.

20. Always reassess your vows every four to six months to make sure that you want to continue to do this. If you have decided that you do not want to live this lifestyle anymore, go ahead and do what you desire.

Because vows aren’t real commitments, and most human beings are unable to live a particular vocation from more than four to six months. Why don’t we start offering the same advice to married couples? Let’s not try to encourage people to work out their salvation within their chosen vocations. Why not give up on celibacy at the first bump along the road? Heck, why not tell married people they should consider abandoning their spouses after the first significant conflicts of their married lives? It’s all about “what I want in the moment” anyway, right?

To find so many misconceptions about celibacy packed into a list of 20 tips/steps for living a celibate life strikes us as absurd, especially when said tip list is the very first hit when a person searches for “how to live a life of celibacy.” Presumably, this article was written because so many people were using this particular search term. (Sarah has some insight into this as Sarah once worked as a freelance content writer for similar sources–not wikiHow.) The likelihood that every person who takes to the internet to begin researching celibacy as a way of life for himself or herself sees this article first is disturbing and saddening.

Comment Policy: Please remember that we, and all others commenting on this blog, are people. Practice kindness. Practice generosity. Practice asking questions. Practice showing love. Practice being human. If your comment is rude, it will be deleted. If you are constantly negative, argumentative, or bullish, you will not be able to comment anymore. We are the sole moderators of the combox.

Some thoughts on choosing a spiritual director

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A reflection by Lindsey

I’ve never been a person who intrinsically knows how I want particular important relationships to play out. I have a gut sense of what I find helpful and what sort of things tend to scare me a bit. Recently, I’ve spent some time wondering if there are any patterns to what I find helpful and scary when looking for a new spiritual director. This reflection should be read as exclusively descriptive of my own experience and not remotely prescriptive of others’ experiences.

So much of spiritual direction involves finding various kinds of balance. God is with us, and God has immeasurable power. The commandments are given to us for our benefit, and to say God’s grace is “infinite” is to rob grace of some of its depth. We are called to love our neighbors as ourselves, cherishing the specific people God has placed in our paths, all while cultivating a sense of our global place as stewards of creation. In my own limitations as a human, certain truths are harder to remember than others.

I look for spiritual directors who help restore my sense of balance. I’ve learned that I tend to focus on what I can do actively to grow spiritually, oftentimes cultivating busyness rather than sabbath refreshment. I can get hung up on trying to discern the nature of God’s commands as opposed to deepening my appreciation of God’s grace. I like problem solving and can overstate my own capabilities rather than cultivating a childlike faith. I’m grateful to develop a good sense of how I “lean” spiritually, and I’m fully aware that some people lean in the exactly opposite kinds of ways.

When it comes to looking for a spiritual director, I’ve found it helpful to seek out spiritual directors who ooze grace, joy, peace, and a sense of belonging. I honestly hope that these gifts will be contagious. For too long, I’ve experienced my place in the church as being perched precariously between needing to do all of the right things in exactly the right ways and needing to discuss my spiritual journey in exactly the right way. I’ve needed people who can help me see that it’s okay to move away from the “prim and proper” and relish in being a child of God and of the Church.

If there’s one message I’ve needed to hear delivered authentically from a spiritual director in my Christian tradition, it has been, “You are welcome here.” That, full stop, is important. You are welcome here, period. I’ve been in so many congregations where I’ve felt like a liability from the moment I set foot in the door. I’ve received so much direction about how to avoid any lustful thoughts or conduct myself in a way that safeguards the community against scandal that I’ve all but forgotten how it feels to be loved. I never expected to hear a word of complete welcome from any spiritual director within my Christian tradition; when the sentence flowed out of a pastor’s mouth 18 months ago, it left an indelible impression.

I love pastors who constantly spout various wonders of the resurrection. I have to wonder if they’ve faced their own demons and encountered a victorious Christ. I want to know where their hope comes from. It’s something to wonder if they see God’s glory everywhere they look, including when they look directly at me.

Comment Policy: Please remember that we, and all others commenting on this blog, are people. Practice kindness. Practice generosity. Practice asking questions. Practice showing love. Practice being human. If your comment is rude, it will be deleted. If you are constantly negative, argumentative, or bullish, you will not be able to comment anymore. We are the sole moderators of the combox.

Celibacy as a “Layover”

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“Celibacy is a necessary holding pattern for many LGBT people who are recovering from their experiences in the ex-gay world. I’m okay with talking about this way of life with the understanding that it isn’t meant to be permanent. After you gain a few more years of life experience and become more comfortable in your identities, you’ll be able to appreciate celibacy as a stop along the way to full acceptance of yourselves as LGBT Christians.”

This isn’t an exact quote, but rather a summary of dozens of messages that regularly hit our inbox. In response to several posts we’ve written (like this one, this one, and this one), some readers have sent us messages such as the one above, and others have contacted us to request that we write on the particular misconception about celibacy implicit in these messages.

As we’ve participated in the broader LGBT Christian conversation over the years, we’ve noticed prevalence in the idea that celibacy is a “layover” along the journey to self- acceptance. Usually, this assumption will come up in discussion the very first time we even mention the c-word to folks who know we are part of the LGBT community. At this point, we’ve lost count of how many times we’ve been told some variation of: “One day, you’ll come to accept yourselves as you are and you’ll not have to be celibate anymore.” Because we and other LGBT celibates hear this message so often, we think it’s important to address it directly in a post. We believe this message is unhelpful and inappropriate for several reasons.

Before we speak to some of these specifically, we want to be clear in our acknowledgement that for some people, temporary celibacy is part of a longer process that culminates in the embrace of a progressive sexual ethic. The purpose of this post is not to deny that this experience exists or to make a judgment about LGBT people who have come to view celibacy as a “layover” rather than a permanent way of life. Our intention is to discuss the assumption that all LGBT celibates will eventually come to view celibacy in this way and move on to sexually active relationships.

Having said that, here are the top three reasons we see the “celibacy as layover” message as problematic:

It degrades singleness and various kinds of intimate relationships that are not sexual. As we’ve written about in other posts, many people see marriage and other types of sexual relationships as rites of passage from adolescence into adulthood. In some Christian circles, it almost seems that there is a marriage mandate: if you aren’t married, others believe that something must be wrong with you. Though we did not address this directly in our first post on marriage, while preparing for it we heard from people of all sexual orientations and gender identities who find this pressure to marry troubling. It seems to us that seeing LGBT self-acceptance as contingent upon openness to sexual activity is not much different from seeing a sexually active way of life as the only “normal” vocation for any person. Both messages place harmful limits on the diversity of human experience, and neither leaves room for the stories of people who find fulfillment and connectedness in monastic or lay celibate life.

It posits incorrectly that all LGBT celibates are celibate for the same reasons. One variety of life experience that debates on LGBT sexual ethics frequently ignore is that of the person who has chosen celibacy but not because of a belief that same-sex sexual activity is sinful. He or she might not feel well suited to a lifelong partnership. Perhaps he or she finds that emotionally intimate friendships and other relationships meet all his or her needs for companionship. The “celibacy as layover” message seeks to make these types of experiences into something pathological, finding internalized homophobia even if there is none. Additionally, it suggests that all LGBT celibates either experience self-hatred on a personal level or are blindly obedient to an institution that promotes contempt against the LGBT community. It leaves no space for the possibility that an LGBT person has given his or her full consent to living a celibate vocation and is answering a call from God.

It labels LGBT celibates as poor, unfortunate souls who need help to reach liberation through expression of sexuality. This is possibly the most upsetting aspect of the “celibacy as layover” message for an LGBT celibate who has chosen his or her vocation freely after significant prayer and reflection. It negates the entirety of a person’s process of coming to terms with his or her sexuality, assuming that there must be some element missing from that process if sexual activity does not become part of an LGBT person’s life. Though not always the case, we hear this notion most often from straight people. To us, that makes it even more troubling because the person offering the message is implying that he or she knows better than we do what is best for us. Every time we hear others’ opinions on how pitiful, deluded, and frightened we must be to have chosen celibacy and how much more liberated we would feel if we would just give in and have sex, we wonder about what “liberation” actually means to the person making these statements. In what sense is pressuring another human being to engage in a sexual relationship “liberating”?

The common thread amongst all uses of the “celibacy as layover” message as we’ve heard it is that it’s often posed as an affirming statement to help people integrate faith and sexuality. Once again, we do not wish to deny the experiences of LGBT people who have lived celibacy temporarily and have later adopted other ways of life. But it’s erroneous to suggest that all LGBT celibates will eventually engage in sexual activity or else spend the rest of our lives in misery. We wonder what other kinds of messages might be intended as affirming and helpful, but can actually be limiting, oppressive, or harmful to members of the LGBT community. If you have thoughts on this, please share in the comments.

Comment Policy: Please remember that we, and all others commenting on this blog, are people. Practice kindness. Practice generosity. Practice asking questions. Practice showing love. Practice being human. If your comment is rude, it will be deleted. If you are constantly negative, argumentative, or bullish, you will not be able to comment anymore. We are the sole moderators of the combox.

Saturday Symposium: Dealing with Estrangement from the Church

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Good morning! Another week has come and gone. We can’t believe it. If you’ve been reading along and have ideas for future topics you’d like to see us address, feel free to Ask Us! If we choose to write on your topic, we’ll email you back. If you have any other type of inquiry for us and want a guarantee of a direct reply, use our Contact Us form. We’re doing our best to stay on top of our email because many of you have written to us. Thanks for your patience, and we will get back to you…we promise. :)

It’s time for today’s Saturday Symposium question:

How this works: It’s very simple. We ask a multi-part question related to a topic we’ve blogged about during the past week or are considering blogging about in the near future, and you, our readers, share your responses in the comments section. Feel free to be open, reflective, and vulnerable…and to challenge us. But as always, be mindful of the comment policy that ends each of our posts. Usually, we respond fairly quickly to each comment, but in order to give you time to think, come back, add more later if you want, and discuss with other readers, we will wait until after Monday to respond to comments on Saturday Symposium questions.

This week’s Saturday Symposium question: This week, we are again taking our cue from our readers. Lindsey’s reflection On Being a Child of the Church has sparked considerable discussion. Lindsey noted that our relationship with the Church can be very complex and marked by seasons of estrangement. This week, we are wondering with our readers: How have you dealt with estrangement from the Church? Which strategies have you tried that help you restore your trust in the Church? Who have you found to talk to about your feelings? Where have you seen encouragement from the Holy Spirit in entirely unexpected places during these difficult seasons? As you consider participating in this week’s discussion, please know that these questions probe into vulnerable spaces. We’d encourage you to respond with an extra dose of empathy.

We look forward to reading your responses. If you’re concerned about having your comment publicly associated with your name, please consider using the Contact Us page to submit your comment. We can post it under a pseudonym (i.e. John says, “your comment”) or summarize your comment in our own words (i.e. One person observed…). Participating in this kind of public dialogue can be risky, and we want to do what we can to protect you even if that means we preserve your anonymity. Have a wonderful weekend!

Blessings,

Sarah and Lindsey

Comment Policy: Please remember that we, and all others commenting on this blog, are people. Practice kindness. Practice generosity. Practice asking questions. Practice showing love. Practice being human. If your comment is rude, it will be deleted. If you are constantly negative, argumentative, or bullish, you will not be able to comment anymore. We are the sole moderators of the combox.

Showing Love in the Midst of Difference

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A few weeks ago, we published two posts on ways people could be more supportive of celibate LGBT Christians. Our target audience for these posts was straight Christians with both traditional and progressive views on sexual ethics. Not long after publishing these, we heard from several non-celibate LGBT Christian readers who wanted to know if there are any ways they could be more supportive of celibate singles and couples within the LGBT community. In response to these inquiries, we wanted to share some positive examples of how non-celibate LGBT Christian friends have shown us encouragement, kindness, and compassion.

As we reflected together before drafting this post, we concluded quickly that we have lots of awesome friends. We decided to keep our comments as generalized categories instead of stating names because we hope that many of our friends will see themselves in multiple categories. We’re so very grateful to all of the people who have shown us love, even across various theological differences.

With Lindsey being between jobs right now, we’re deeply appreciative of how our friends have stepped up to the plate to offer help when we’ve needed it. Our friends have been there with love, prayers, and significant financial support. We have been amazed at how this generosity has crossed all borders that divide Christians. Several friends even approached us with gifts before learning about our exact needs. To say we were blown away is an understatement. We remain profoundly grateful and look forward to the day of being able to pay their generosity forward. These folks can testify to the fact that you don’t have to be living the same kind of life as another person, or even understand his or her way of life, in order to extend to Christian charity.

We’ve also been humbled by friends who have shown us an earnest belief that every person matters, has value, and is worth getting to know. These folks will ask us questions about our way of life, knowing that our answers do not come from a place trying to convince them that they must adopt our way of life for themselves. They are legitimately curious when asking us about what we did the previous weekend, which books we’re reading, how God is challenging us to grow spiritually, and other such questions. Many of these friends neither understand nor agree with our approach to sexuality-related issues. Nevertheless, they exemplify that having the same theology and the same way of life is not a prerequisite for meaningful friendships. Their relationships with us showcase that it is in fact possible to experience authentic intimacy and care for another person without focusing on who’s “right” and who’s “wrong.”

We have also been so grateful for friends who have thrown themselves selflessly into supporting us through some really hard stuff. As our regular readers can attest, the last several months have been trying and stressful for us. It’s been great to have friends we can turn to whenever we need a listening ear regardless of what’s going on. If we’re experiencing a major problem in our lives or in our relationship, these friends are our “go-tos” when we need a sounding board. It’s also fantastically mutual in that they will call us whenever similar shit is hitting the fan for them. We’re able to take the time to listen, pray, be present for, and find solutions together when necessary. This arrangement works almost flawlessly because we know that these friends view us in identically the same way as they view all of their other close friends rather than conceiving of us as “that weird celibate couple.”

Another trend we’ve noticed in our close non-celibate LGBT friends is that they are fiercely protective of us. Mother bears have nothing on some of these folks. It’s comforting to know that we have friends we can turn to when we want to feel outraged about something that has happened. We have friends who don’t need to have all of the details before offering to readjust some heads, eyes, ears, or other body parts. When Sarah’s tires got slashed several months ago, it brought a smile to our faces that we had friends offering (in jest) to fly into our metro area to seek some vigilante justice. Though we’d never want someone to incite violence on our behalf, we are glad to have friends who will defend us if we’ve been wronged, support our choices as we deal with the aftermath of being wronged, and move into our emotional space with us when we just need to be majorly irked for a few minutes (or hours or days, as the case may be). Even though they certainly would not choose celibacy for themselves, we know they’d go down swinging to defend us as a celibate couple.

We’re amazed at how many specific individuals came to mind as we wrote this post. We lost count at 28. All of these people are LGBT Christians. Some are partnered, some are dating, and some are hoping to find that special someone. They come from virtually every Christian tradition under the sun. Some are out in very public ways, and others are not. Some have decided to transition their genders socially, medically, legally, or any combination therein. They are scattered across multiple countries. Some are incredibly active in church, some rarely attend religious services of any kind, and others are everywhere in between. We are incredibly blessed to share our life with so many people who can see beyond right and wrong as they look into the heart of Christ.

Comment Policy: Please remember that we, and all others commenting on this blog, are people. Practice kindness. Practice generosity. Practice asking questions. Practice showing love. Practice being human. If your comment is rude, it will be deleted. If you are constantly negative, argumentative, or bullish, you will not be able to comment anymore. We are the sole moderators of the combox.